
Hastur Garage             Page 18


     Oh yeah, the spare is flat.

     Stealing tickets or the pink slip might  just  get  you
stuck in court, charged with grand larceny (Otto), 95 counts
of non-payment of parking tickets, 27  counts  of  speeding,
and parking in a spot reserved for the judge.

4.4.  Treasure

     The Chevy Nomad weighs 1500 pounds.  It is worth $450.

     Each Platinum Block weighs 2,000 pounds, and  is  worth
200,000 gold pieces.

     The Dingle Balls are worth 2 gold pieces.

     The Right Ring is used to subdue the Magtape Worm  (see
room  20).   It radiates a gentle magic glow if checked.  It
might bring 100 GP if its magic is not  identified.   It  is
worth 1,000 GP if identified.

____________________________________________________________


5.  Ballhog Room

5.1.  Outside Description

     This door has only a flat metal plate on  it.   Through
it  you  can  hear  a  strange  sound, like leather slapping
against wood three times, followed by a pause[3].

5.2.  Inside Description

     Opening the door reveals a large room.   The  floor  is
made of strips of wood, and has mysterious runes painted all
over it.  There are two rings fastened  to  opposite  walls,
and a large creature is throwing a round object of some sort
at one of them.

     The creature spots you, grabs the orb, and starts walk-
ing  towards  the edge of the room.  It is over 8 feet tall,
has wings, and is carrying a large box on its shoulder which
is   emitting  ghastly  shrieks  and  groans.   The  monster
attempts to adjust this box, but only succeeds in making  it
louder[4].  Then it goes down  to  a  more  bearable  level.
____________________
9   [3] The by now infamous sounds of "Dribble Dribble  Drib-
ble - Fake - Arbitration!!"
   [4] Saving throw versus magic must be made by all persons
at the door, or they will become deaf for 1d4 turns.



9







                          Page 19               Ballhog Room


This must be The Dreaded Ballhog!

     The Ballhog puts down his box  and  starts  walking  in
your direction...

5.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     The Ballhog is essentially harmless, and is only  look-
ing  for someone to play basketball with.  He will come over
and say "Hey!  How 'bout a game of Five on One?"[5] He  will
then  throw  his  basketball at the nearest person.  If this
person attempts to catch it, he must make a  dexterity  roll
(under  his  dexterity on a d20).  If he fails, he takes 2d6
points of damage and the ball  rolls  back  to  the  Ballhog
(always!).   If  he catches it, he does not take any damage,
but the Ballhog is so glad to find someone who can catch his
throw  that he says "Gimme Five", and tries to slap the hand
of the person who caught the ball.  If  this  person  allows
his  hand  to get slapped, he will take 2d8 points of damage
(it IS a demon, after all).  In  either  case,  the  Ballhog
will  then  grab  his  ball and resume shooting baskets.  He
will continue talking to the party, however, but  only  with
the  aim of getting them to play with him.  He does not care
about the events taking place upstairs, and only knows  that
the way up to the next level is "over that way somewhere".

     If all Ballhogs are chased away, the  party  will  find
the  Ghetto  Blaster,  a  set  of  spare batteries for it, a
towel, and 20 dreadit tokens in a small pouch.

5.4.  Monsters

     The Dreaded Ballhog (AC:-4, HD:8+8, HP:46, XP:3552,  SA
(Their  attacks  are at +4 due to high dexterity), SD (-2 on
AC from dexterity)) is known as a  great  player  of  games,
especially  those  requiring  selfishness.  Ballhogs like to
show off, and they enjoy making others look un-coordinated.

     If the party attacks the Ballhog, he will  defend  him-
self  with  his ball (doing 2d6 on a successful attack).  If
this isn't doing well, he will gate in his friends,  4  more
Ballhogs, each with his own ball[6].   When  more  than  one
Ballhog  is  present, they will go into a weave.  Each round
their AC goes down by one.  After 10 rounds their  AC  stays
at -14.


____________________
9   [5] Or a more appropriate number depending on the  number
of people there.
   [6] How else could they each hog it?



9







Ballhog Room              Page 20


     If the Ballhogs get in trouble in a battle,  they  will
all  decide  to go watch the "Hellion Globerunner" game, and
will gate out simultaneously.

5.5.  Treasure

     The Ghetto Blaster, is a techno item.  It will work for
4 more hours on the current set of batteries, and 8 hours on
the spare set.  It will only receive  soul  music  or  heavy
metal.

     The Ghetto  Blaster  can  be  used  for  its  deafening
effect.   If so used, treat it as having charges.  There are
4 charges left in  the  current  batteries,  and  8  in  the
spares.   One hour of normal use reduces this by one charge.
Each use requires all within 20 feet to save vs. magic or be
deafened  for  1d4 turns.  It can only be used this way once
per day, or else the speakers will  blow  out  and  it  will
become powerless (broken).

____________________________________________________________


6.  Makeup Room

6.1.  Outside Description

     The door to this room is made  of  a  strange  material
that  looks like wood from a distance, but feels smooth when
touched.  The strangest thing  about  it,  however,  is  the
large yellow five-pointed star painted in the middle.  It is
not locked.

     Across the hall is a strange looking sign[7].

6.2.  Inside Description

     As you open the door, you are struck by  a  noisy  hub-
bub[8].  Inside the room are a  great  many  creatures,  and
they  are  all  busily at work.  The far wall is almost com-
pletely covered by a mirror which is surrounded  by  burning
candles.  In front of the mirror is a large chair, filled to
overflowing by a dragon wearing  formal  attire.   Scurrying
all  over  the dragon are some very unusual looking rabbits.
They are applying funny-looking goop to the  dragon's  face,
arranging his hair, and straightening his tie.


____________________
9   [7] See Hallways, sign A.
   [8] It does 1d3 points of damage to the person in front.



9







                          Page 21                Makeup Room


     One of the rabbits seems to have noticed you.

6.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     The rabbits are Tasmanian Sewer Rabbits, and  they  are
making up their star dragon.  The dragon is going to perform
Feelings on the stage.[9]

     26 rabbits are in this room.

6.4.  Monsters

     Tasmanian Sewer Rabbits are 5 die monsters.  They  have
an  armor  class  of  6  and a high intelligence.  They have
nasty big pointy teeth, and they  can  leap  about  this[10]
far.  They love to fight, and terrorize even the stoutest of
monsters.  They bite for 4d6 points, and scratch  with  each
rear  claw  for  1d6  more.   All  three attacks can be made
simultaneously, but only on one opponent.  Fortunately, they
rarely  attack  first,  unless you happen to be particularly
ugly.[11]

     Tasmanian Sewer Rabbits speak common, alignment (Lawful
Nasty),  and  their  own  language.  They are commonly found
working as hairdressers, makeup  artists,  interior  decora-
tors,  and  go-fers.  They do not take kindly to jokes about
their chosen professions.

     The Star Dragon is of the lowliest of dragon races, the
yellow-bellied  dragon.   He  has 5 hit dice, and is a young
dragon.  His breath weapon is Halitosis.[12] If  forced  to,
he  can also defend himself with two claws for 3d6 each, but
this isn't very likely since he is quite a coward and  hates
fighting.

6.5.  Treasure

     There is lots of Makeup strewn around.  It  has  little
market value.

____________________________________________________________


____________________
9   [9] Room 20
   [10] Arms held about 5 feet apart.
   [11] In their opinion: 1 in 10 chance per character.
   [12] Bad breath - save vs. poison or run  screaming  from
the  room, holding your nose.  He has an unlimited number of
breaths with this weapon, and can use it  simultaneously  to
normal attack forms.



9







Makeup Room               Page 22


7.  The Study

7.1.  Outside Description

     The handle on this plain looking  wooden  door  appears
well used.

7.2.  Inside Description

     A huge granite desk cluttered with papers sits  in  the
middle  of  this  dimly  lit room.  Bookshelves are littered
with flasks, bubbling beakers, retorts, bunsen burners,  and
large  canisters (labelled dust).  A twisted metal coat rack
standing in the northeast corner supports dozens of  cloaks,
hats,  caps,  and  umbrellas.   A  siamese cat sleeps atop a
rather large steamer chest that has been pushed against  the
far  wall  near  a door.  The sum total of the light in this
room emanates from a pair  of  tapers  in  ornately  carved,
silver  candle-holders  standing on either side of the over-
stuffed chair behind the desk.

7.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     Among the papers on the  desk  are  three  half-written
scrolls (non-magical) and enough ink, pens, and parchment to
write three more.  There is also a short list which reads

    pound pastrami
    can kraut
    six bagels
    bring home for Emma


7.4.  Monsters

     The  siamese  cat  is  really  a  Guardian  Unfamiliar.
(HD:1,  HP:8,  AC:8,  SA, SD: It has five lives.  After each
death it immediately reincarnates.  For each subsequent life
add  HD:1,  HP:5,  AC:-1) This is one of last year's models,
and only has five lives instead of the more modern nine.  He
is  guarding the locked steamer chest, and will fight to the
death.

     The Skeleton Warrior (HD:9+12,  HP:61,  AC:2,  XP:4676,
SA,  SD) is attracted to anyone wearing his circlet (circlet
see below for more information).

7.5.  Treasure

     One of the umbrellas on the coat rack is a +2  umbrella
of  shielding.  It is a dirty brown color, and is covered by
two cloaks.  This umbrella can either act  as  a  +2  shield
when  opened and used as one, or as a +2/+2 foil when closed










                          Page 23                  The Study


and a hidden button on the handle is  pushed.   This  handle
causes  a  sharp  tip  to  protrude  from  the center of the
umbrella.

     The chest, which is locked, contains a gold diadem sit-
ting  on a silver-bound book.  Surrounding these is a box of
force just inside the chest.  The force field has  been  set
up by using four block-shaped Wards visually apparent at the
four corners of the chest, just inside the force field.  The
field can be dispelled by reading the spell inscribed on the
scroll tacked to the bottom of  the  center  drawer  in  the
desk.

     Once the  force  field  is  dispelled,  the  four  grey
oblongs,  one  in  each corner, separate into two cubes, one
white and one black.

     The wards are used to protect a fixed volume from  cer-
tain  things.  Each individual spell will allow the wards to
protect this volume from one  specified  type  of  thing  as
detailed in the following table:

                 Ward against        Level
8                 _________________   _____
                 Living                5
                 Undead                5
                 Prime material        6
                 Clerical magic        7
                 Astral material       8
                 Etherial material     8
                 Arcane magic          9


     The silver-bound Spell Book contains the spells used to
set up the wards.

     Each spell requires a verbal and somatic component, and
takes six segments to cast.  One month of intensive study is
needed to learn each spell before it can be  cast  properly.
More  than one spell may be cast using the same set of wards
to protect a volume against many things.

     The spell caster places the wards, one  black  and  one
white,  at the four corners of the area to be protected.  He
then casts the  desired  spell,  wherein  he  specifies  the
height of the area to be encompassed.  The wards can protect
one cubic foot in volume per  level  of  the  spell  caster.
Once the wards are set they cannot be moved.

     The wards may be dropped by the caster, or be dispelled
by a mage of sufficiently high level.




9







The Study                 Page 24


     The gold diadem is a Circlet  of  A  Skeleton  Warrior.
This  nasty  piece of treasure has the effect of summoning a
skeletal warrior when worn.  It can be used to  control  the
warrior,  if  its  use as such is known.  If the wearer does
not control the warrior, the warrior will try to kill him.

     The Granite Desk has three drawers on each side and one
in the middle.  It weighs 1200 pounds, and is worth 250 gold
pieces.  There is a  scroll  tacked  underneath  the  center
drawer which can dispel the wards in the chest.

     Inside the  desk's  second  right-hand  drawer  are  14
dreadit  tokens.   12  of them are counterfeit, but it would
take a close examination to notice this fact.

     The four foot  tall  Candle  Holders  have  no  special
power.   They  are  finely made, however, and will bring 250
gold pieces each if sold in a major town.  They  each  weigh
37 pounds.

     The various types of Dust on the shelves  are  labelled
fairie  dust,  upholstery  dust,  house dust, and gold dust.
There is very little of each (except the  upholstery  dust).
The fairie dust gives the ability to fly when sprinkled over
a person.  There is enough left for one person  to  fly  for
about 25 seconds.

____________________________________________________________


8.  Stage

8.1.  Outside Description

     A heavy wooden door stands at the end of the hall.  The
door is not locked.

     Near the door is a large sign[13].

8.2.  Inside Description

     You see a darkened room with a wooden  floor.   As  you
enter,  you can make out a curtain about 30 feet in front of
you.  On your right you see a pair of burly trolls  dragging
several  fruit  splattered  and  dagger  pierced  bodies off
through a side curtain.  By this time the  door  behind  you
has  slammed  shut,  and is virtually invisible.  The entire
wall appears to have been painted as part of a scenic  back-
drop.
____________________
9   [13] See Hallways, sign F.



9







                          Page 25                      Stage


     Suddenly, a loud voice announces:  "And  now  for  your
entertainment,  direct  from the tunnels and hallways of the
dungeon depths...  The Chaotic[14]  Adventurers!"  You  hear
thunderous  applause, and the curtain in front of you rises,
revealing a large, darkened room with a small orchestra  pit
directly in front of you.  Inside is Harry Smoketoes and his
Pit Fiend Orchestra (yes, they are pit fiends).

     Bright spotlights flash in your eyes, so that  all  you
can  see clearly is Harry.  He shoots a whithering glance at
you, smiles proudly, and strikes up a quick intro.

8.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     The party has entered a large (30 feet deep by 60  feet
wide)  stage  from  the  rear  wall.   The wall they came in
through is painted to resemble a landscape of  the  Tyrolian
Alps,  making it difficult to find the door.  (Treat as 1 on
a d6 for each person per minute of looking.   The  party  is
not likely to have much time to look.  Even if they find it,
it has no handle and they would have to break it down.)

     The theater is filled with  monsters  of  all  descrip-
tions.   The  orchestra  consists of 15 pit fiends.  None of
these will attack the party unless they are attacked  first.
The  wings  of the stage are dark and cluttered, but Harry's
backups are obviously  watching  the  show  from  there,  to
insure that the party will not leave prematurely.

     Harry will conduct three intro's.  At least one  person
must  start  performing  something  within that time, or the
audience will start getting uppity (this is what happened to
the  last  group  they saw being helped off).  If they don't
start performing the audience will start throwing things  at
them.   Things thrown include rotten fruit, rocks, epithets,
and cat-calls[15].  One of the following things will also be
rolled for each party member:











____________________
9   [14] Or Lawful, should they happen to get here.
   [15]Small wooden whistles that "meow" when blown.



9







Stage                     Page 26



8    ________________________________________________________
      On         Thrown                  As        For
8    ________________________________________________________
      01-10      10 dreadit              5th       1d10
      11-25      1 gold bar              9th       1d12
      26-40      +2 Dagger               11th      1d6
      41-55      +1 Morning Star         7th       1d8
      56-70      2d10 ball bearings      N/A       N/A[16]
      71-100     nothing
8    ________________________________________________________
7   |7|7|7|7|7|7|7|






                                                           |7|7|7|7|7|7|7|










The party will then be driven from the stage.

     If, on the other hand, they start performing  something
(anything, no matter how bad), a reaction roll is made:

8____________________________________________________________
  On       Reaction                 Thrown on Stage
8____________________________________________________________
  1        As table above           See above
  2-3      Scattered applause       Nothing
  4-6      Vigorous applause        8d10 dreadit
  7-8      Loud applause
7                                    10d10 d., 4d6 flowers
  9        Wild applause
7                                    20d10  d.,  2d6   gold
                                    bars (see above)
  10       Incredible applause      As 9, plus special[17]
8____________________________________________________________
7|7|7|7|7|7|7|7|7|







                                                           |7|7|7|7|7|7|7|7|










Each party member takes 1d6 points of damage for rolls of  4
and above.

8.4.  Monsters

     Harry Smoketoes (AC:-3, HD:13, HP:66, XP:9088, SA,  SD)
is the Lawrence Welk of Pit Fiends.  He loves to conduct his
orchestra, and even goes on tour.  He and  his  cohorts  are
the only beings to ever  take  the  train[18]  all  the  way
around  the  planes of hell fourteen times.  He is always on
the lookout for new talent.

     If the party gets in a fight, there are 15  pit  fiends
(HP:60,  XP:8980,  the  rest  as  Harry  Smoketoes)  in  the
____________________
9   [16] But they make it hard to walk around!  Treat as  -10
on dexterity.
   [17] Special gift.  Harry jumps on stage and whispers  in
the  ear of the first person who performed.  He says "You're
terrific!  If you ever need  an  agent,  remember  my  name.
Just call me Haritosis."
   [18] Room 13



9







                          Page 27                      Stage


orchestra, 3 more in the wings, and 10 trolls (AC:4, HD:6+6,
HP:33,  XP:790,  SA, SD) in the stage crew.  If the audience
gets involved, roll at least 50 monsters of all  levels  and
terrains.

____________________________________________________________


9.  Union Dragon Room

9.1.  Outside Description

     The door to this room looks like it is made out of old,
weathered  rock, with uneven surfaces and no obvious handle.
It is soft, however, and unlocked.  It pushes open easily.

9.2.  Inside Description

     As you enter this  room  you  see  a  standard  dungeon
cavern, complete with dirty black rock walls, vermin running
around on the floor, and a foul stench in the  air.   Every-
thing that a dungeon should be!

     Sitting in one corner of the room is a paunchy,  middle
aged white dragon with a wide red band around his neck and a
smouldering cigar sticking out of the side of his mouth.   A
small yellow construction helmet sits atop his head.

9.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     This room is what would be called a  Hollywood  cavern.
The  door  is wood coated with foam rock, the rock walls are
really plaster, the vermin are trained, and the  foul  smell
comes from a can.[19] The  Red-Necked  Dragon,  however,  is
very  real,  and  will  attack  if  provoked.   His  name is
"Floyd." He is here to keep intruders from  passing  through
this  room.   If the characters decide to attack him, or try
to get past him, he will fight back.  Once  his  hit  points
are half gone a loud horn will blow off in the distance.  At
this, the dragon will step back, pick up a huge metal  lunch
box,  and  head  over  to  a concealed spot in the rocks.  A
closer look will reveal a time clock hidden in a crack.   He
punches his timecard, and starts out through the door.

     As Floyd leaves, another Red-Necked  dragon  will  come
through  the  door from the other direction.  He will say to
the first dragon, "Morning, Floyd.  Been a tough shift, eh?"
The  first  dragon  will  reply,  "It's a dungeon out there,
____________________
9   [19] "Dungeon  Stench  In-A-Can".   Available  from  your
pharmacy catalogue for only $19.95!



9







Union Dragon Room         Page 28


Hugh." He will then limp through the door.  Hugh will  punch
in, go to his station (where the other dragon was fighting),
put down his lunch box, and prepare to fight.   When  he  is
ready, the fighting can begin anew.

     If the players try  to  attack  Floyd  after  the  horn
blows,  he will turn around and say, "Hey!  You!  Moron with
the sword!  Cantcha' see i'm off duty!  Beat up on the  next
guy,  huh!?" He will explain to the characters (if they ask)
in his distinctive Bronx accent, that "My union contract for
IDWU  (Interplanar Dungeon Workers Union), Local 666, states
that I don't gotta take no garbage  offa  no  stupid  morons
like  you,  no way, no how!" Both dragons are very well paid
for their services (they get scale), and will not let anyone
past this room without a fight.

     If the players continue  to  attack  the  first  dragon
after  the  bell,  the  dragon  will  file a union grievance
against them.  Upon leaving the  room,  the  party  will  be
instantly teleported to the courtroom for sentencing.

     If they kill both dragons legally, they will be allowed
to pass this room.

9.4.  Monsters

     Red-Necked Dragons (AC:-1, AC:-2 on head  due  to  hard
hat, HD:9, HP:45, XP:7000, SA) Hugh and Floyd are both adult
dragons.) are very tough customers.  They like to brawl  and
are  much  stronger  than  ordinary dragons.  They were bred
from the combination of White dragons and Red  dragons,  but
there  is a little Black dragon blood in them from way back.
Their breath weapon is invective.[20]  They  can  use  their
breath weapon EVERY round, and fight simultaneously (but not
bite).  They attack with each front foot for 1d8  points  of
damage,  and  they  can bite for 3d6 points of damage.  They
can only attack one person at a time  in  front.   They  can
also  use  their  tail  if  someone  is behind them for 2d10
points of damage.

9.5.  Treasure

     The Timeclock is a valuable  piece  of  precision  made
machinery.    Unfortunately,   it  requires  electricity  to
operate.  Treat as worth 10  gold  pieces  unless  a  techno
oriented  character  can  figure out how to make it work, in
which case it is worth 1000 gold pieces.

____________________
9   [20] All within hearing must save vs. paralysis or  faint
for 1d6 rounds.



9







                          Page 29          Union Dragon Room


     The lunch boxes are cheap  plastic.   Each  dragon  has
five  dreadit  tokens, a thermos of Joplin Java, and a chili
and peppers sandwich in his lunchbox.

____________________________________________________________


10.  Game Store

10.1.  Outside Description

     Several thin wooden panels printed in strange  patterns
are  visible  through  a  grimy display window.  Small round
stones, twisted wire structures and bizarre  figurines  rest
on  the abstract designs.  Behind these stand books, but the
titles aren't readable through the dirty glass.

10.2.  Inside Description

     To the left of the door are rows of tall, free standing
shelves.   These  shelves  are  packed  full  with oodles of
dusty, flat boxes and yellowing magazines.

     The counter to the right is covered with dozens of tiny
lead  statuettes  and a Jack O'Lantern.  Light emanates from
inside the cruelly grinning head.

     Behind one of the shelves stands a headless body  wear-
ing  a  Luftwaffe  uniform.   It  is straightening stacks of
magazines and sorting through boxes.

10.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     This must be a game store!   Almost  any  game  can  be
found  here,  from  a  1919  copy  of "Anzioids" to revision
number 5341097 of "Scar Feet Battles," dated  2369.   Others
are detailed under Treasure.

     Court appearances may be caused by  many  things  here,
from  messing with the shopkeeper's head to shoplifting dice
lice.  Charges will be pursuing trivia,  making  change  for
10,000,000  people,  winning  at  Eliminati, and making "The
Kessel Run" in a distance instead of a time.

10.4.  Monsters

     The proprietor comes in two parts.  His  head  (a  Jack
O'Lantern complete with candle) sits on the counter watching
the door while his body walks around taking care of  things.
His decisive german accent comes in a whisper from the pump-
kin.  Attacking the proprietor  calls  for  a  trip  to  the
courtroom (his protection payments are up to date).
9

9







Game Store                Page 30


10.5.  Treasure

     Dice Lice are tiny creatures that have been genetically
engineered  to live in the spots on dice.  They will quickly
crawl into the spots nearest them and weigh down  that  side
of  the  die.  This causes that side of the die to land face
down, thus squishing the lice.  The lucky owner can use  one
of these to "call" one roll.  It can be used at any time, as
long as the owner announces that it is being used before  he
rolls.  Dice Lice cost 20 dreadit each.

     A fine selection of Multi-Dimensional Polyhedral  Dice.
comes  in  7,  13,  21,  and  47  sided varieties and a wide
assortment of colors.  Each costs 1  dreadit  per  side  per
die.

     There is a large selection of Bored Games.  Among these
are:  STOP (an oriental game of flipping colored disks.  The
winner is he who stays awake longest), Navel War  (featuring
the  Battle  of the Bulge), and Wrist (stop AIDS from taking
over the world).

     A great number of Role Playing Games  are  also  to  be
found  here.   Some  of  the  most popular are: Holy Words &
Heretics (religious fanatics hunt role playing gamers to the
ends  of  the earth), Bushytoes (halflings in feudal Japan),
Ruinquest  (attempt  the  ruin  of  world  leaders   through
creative economics), Bulshito (corporate intrigue and indus-
trial spying in foreign lands), and Obsession.  The last  is
an  almost irresistible game.  Each character seeing it must
make a saving throw vs. petrification or rip the  game  from
the  shelf  and  start playing.  The character then gets one
saving throw every minute to throw off the obsession.  It is
a pretty boring game.

____________________________________________________________


11.  Pharmacy

11.1.  Outside Description

     This room has a glass front wall that is  covered  with
rune-cluttered paper.

11.2.  Inside Description

     The door opens up onto an aisle flanked on  both  sides
by  floor-to-ceiling  shelves.   These shelves are packed to
the limit with food, bathroom  supplies,  shampoos  and  cat
food.   There  are  stacks  of tuna fish, racks of month old
magazines, and shelves full of magic potions for  all  types
of ailments.










                          Page 31                   Pharmacy


     Behind a bottle-covered  counter  on  the  right  is  a
strange-looking  man  with  Art  Garfunkel's face (he really
should give it back), round glasses, and a tiny straw in his
nose.  He seems to be ducking attacks from imaginary butter-
flies.

     Behind  the  pharmacist  are  more  shelves  containing
pills, phylacteries, pharmaceuticals, and prophylactics.

11.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     A few of the ads  on  the  storefront  are  for  orcian
hygiene  products,  wing  cleaner,  lettuce patched dolls, a
sale on rubber goods, and a special on discount  tuna  fish.
The  runes  are in a language unknown to all (Madison Avenue
English), but thieves have more than their usual  chance  to
read it (plus 20% due to simplicity), and magical means work
just as well.

     All prices are in dreadit.  For an overview of the pro-
ducts  available  here,  see  the section on treasure below.
For a more complete listing, send $1.95 to:

    Pharmacy Catalogue
    c/o The Dungeon Wrecking Crew
    P.O. Box 09
    Castle of Law
    Prime Material Plane


     Shoplifting will be  persecuted.   Charges  will  be  3
counts of shoplifting, 15 counts of asking dumb questions, 5
counts of practicing medicine without a license, and 1  mov-
ing violation.

11.4.  Monsters

     The pharmacist behind  the  counter  is  only  slightly
stoned.  He likes to sample everything he sells.  If he mis-
takes the characters for FBI agents he may get nasty.

     He will sell the characters anything in the store,  but
his  speech  may be interrupted frequently by short seizures
and gulping of pills from random bottles.  What  a  counter-
productive character!

11.5.  Treasure

     Among the many items for sale here are rubber  galoshes
(15  dr),  rubber  gloves (Playtax brand, 11 dr), Ogre Shave


9

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Pharmacy                  Page 32


(12 dr), Monster Pills[21] (25 dr per pill), assorted  drugs
(assorted  prices),  aphrodisiacs  (as  per  love  philter),
rubber goods (no bouncing checks, please), Dr. Bunyan's claw
cure  (an  arm  and  a leg), magazines (True Orc, Playtroll,
Pentcastle, etc., 2 dr each), snack foods  (cheaper  by  the
dozen),   cosmetics,  batteries,  Skidmark  greeting  cards,
Slimex watches (takes a licking, keeps on  sticking),  lunch
boxes  with  silly  looking  blue  people on them, one large
chicken,[22] (6 dr) and the hand of Dread Rated.

     The Hand of Dread Rated is a mummified human hand  with
fascinating  powers.   It always points to the most valuable
thing within a ten  foot  radius.   It  is  worth  500  gold
pieces,  so  if  nothing more valuable is around it tries to
point to itself (which can be  interesting  to  watch).   It
wasn't really Dread's hand, but his grandfather's.

     Everything in the store is overpriced.

____________________________________________________________


12.  Dreaderated

12.1.  Outside Description

     This is a wooden door with an opaque  window  set  into
it.  Stenciled on the window is the word "Dreaderated."

12.2.  Inside Description

     This room is a brightly lit office with blue  carpeting
and wood paneling on the walls.  Directly to your right sits
a nicely dressed, business-like woman who is pounding  on  a
noisy machine that seems to be making paper.  At the far end
of the room, in front of a profusion of potted palms, sits a
man  in  a  white  suit and panama hat.  He sits in a wicker
peacock throne and sips a tall drink while watching  you  at
the door.

     On the wall next to his chair are many diplomas.  Close
scrutiny will reveal their origins:

    Acme Correspondence School of
____________________
9   [21] When mixed with water, they create random  monsters.
The pharmacist doesn't know what's what (they got mixed up),
but you do.  The black ones are Trolls.  The  Red  ones  are
Wyverns.  The blue ones are orcs.  The yellow ones are black
puddings.  The pink ones are the favorites: They are bottles
of blended rye.
   [22] See room #12.


9







                          Page 33                Dreaderated


          Dungeon Wrecking


            High Honours
            Evelyn Would
       Speed Breeding Course


              Graduate
       The Fortunate Soldier
      School of Creative Arts


            Admitted to
          Karl Carchner's
       School of Fine Cuisine


     "Come in, come in", he calls in a deep, resonant voice.
"I  am  Dread Rated.  Welcome to my abode.  Here you can lay
your financial worries to rest.  Miss Oligax, bring  me  the
necessary forms."

     The woman stops pounding on  her  machine,  pulls  some
paper out of it, and walks up to you.

     "Just fill these forms  out  in  quadruplicate  and  in
thirty  days  we can open the usual one and one half percent
hourly interest charge accounts for all of you!",  she  says
brightly.

     The floor rumbles loudly, tipping over  a  few  of  the
palms.   "Just a moment please, my chief collection agent is
calling me." Dread leaves the room through  a  hidden  panel
behind his chair.

12.3.  Dungeon Masters' Description

     Dread will be out for at least one turn,  during  which
time  the  party, if they are wise, will leave.  Miss Oligax
will try to keep them there by asking all sorts of questions
about  themselves,  their  past  lives, their (astrological)
sign, the average cruising speed of an unladen swallow, etc.

     Dread will eventually return with his chief  collection
agent,  a  purple  worm.  The purple worm will try to circle
around behind them, blocking the  exit  through  which  they
came in.

     Dread will then again insist that  they  fill  out  the
forms,  which  require seven witnesses and signatures in the

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